So as many of you know I am a photographer. I capture hundreds of children and adults wonderful smiling faces each year. I just this last year started delving into birth photography particularly home births because I have a friend who is a midwife. If you live in the North Texas area and need a wonderful midwife please get in touch with her here’s her facebook www.facebook.com/NewLifeMidwiferyCare . Well the thoughts of having children is a very daunting thing on my mind for so many reasons. I was told the year I met my husband after a few months of not getting my monthly that I wouldn’t be able to have kids. The Dr. wanted to put m on something to start my cycle again. I refused. Then 3 days later at work I was crying doubled over in pain bleeding and crying. I called the Dr. only to find his office neglected to call me that I was pregnant but the levels were dropping so he knew I was going to miscarry. This was the first time that had ever happened to me I didn’t have to have a dnc but for some reason that miscarriage brought hope that I could have children. Flash forward a few years and 100 pounds and we are married and trying to have a child. I’m afraid it’s never going to happen for us I see everyone around us getting pregnant and I can’t help but wonder why them? Why not me? Though we always tell ourselves it’s not the right time that we have so much we need to work on before that happens. In December 2012 I had the most awful miscarriage I was late and didn’t know I was pregnant I was about 8 weeks along when it happened and (sorry this is graphic) I actually saw the little thing this time. I can’t tell you how long I sat in my bathroom crying. I didn’t tell anyone about it that night i had a secret burial out by our tree, i’m sorry if that sounds crazy but a life is a life no matter how long it was here. I told my husband 2 days later after he realized I was really depressed. We were devastated and I knew my weight and the food I was eating was the problem then. I watched an episode of Extreme Makeover Weightloss Edition and it really hit home young girl, really overweight, struggling with infertility and miscarriages. She lost her weight and 2 months after hitting goal she got pregnant! I felt at that moment there was hope for us. Now as weird as this may sound i’ve always been very attuned to my body and I know I haven’t ovulated but 3 times in 3 years and it was never consistent. After dropping over 40 pounds I had a wonderful discovery this month! I ovulated I wouldn’t have believed it if i didn’t take a test haha. Though I will continue to struggle with this I see a light at the end of the tunnel and I know when I reach that point of where I am meant to be, I will get that opportunity that i’ve always dreamed of.

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