As I was doing my workout today I realized something. I’m getting stronger!!!! When I first started working out with my friend Liz we were doing Turbo Jam. I felt a little embarrassed because my punches were weak and flailing, my kicks were low and without conviction, “jogging” was a joke, my squats were a slight bend of the knee and I couldn’t walk up 3 stairs without having to catch my breath.
You can see why I was depressed I know I refused to go out with friends to bars or other places people would see me. I couldn’t sit comfortably in a theater seat or stadium seat. I remember my niece who I love dearly one day we were at the movies with my inlaws and she said i looked big in the seat to which I just laughed. She is innocent and doesn’t know that could hurt someones feelings, I certainly know it didn’t hurt mine because she is such a cool kid and I couldn’t be mad at her. I explained that I was overweight and not everywhere acomidates larger people. I have always hated that my weight has kept me from going places my husband likes because I was uncomfortable. Luckily I have been changing my life and earlier this month I took my husband to a Muse concert. I was shocked when I could actually sit in the stadium seat, though I did stand and stare at it for a good few minutes before I attempted to sit down. I quickly started crying and wriggling around in the chair there was actually space! I’m sure I looked either like I was and idiot or really drunk.
Since starting this journey I have been gaining more confidence when I workout. I now notice my squats are deeper, my punches are strong and precise, my kicks are powerful, I can keep up when I jog and I can walk up 3 flights of stairs without feeling like i’m going to die! Though I feel I am getting stronger I still have my concerns. Before they were always what if no body likes me, will I become someone i’m not will I lose people in my life. Now they are more like will I have to have skin removal surgery, Even if I am healthy will I be able to have a kid and what will I do with my life all i know is how to be a fat girl. I know I shouldn’t have all of these concerns but like anyone else i’m scared.