My journey from a 353 pound food addict to a slim and fit health nut ;)

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So as some of you know my husband and I decided to take a trip to Colorado! Well I must say it was so much fun! We had my birthday celebration with the in laws then we headed on our way to stay in clayton new mexico for the night. We ended up staying the night in our car because we really didn’t want to pay $70 to stay in a room for 5 hours. We woke up to snow and ice on the ground, which was beautiful but also kinda sucked. I personally think the city of new mexico freaked out because they closed the main roads!!




heres us on the road the next morning !


my silly husband all bundled up!!

So since we couldn’t take the main road I mapped a course that took us probably 1-2 hours more but it was beautiful!


Here’s what the road I chose to take turned into all rock and dirt but we were able to go faster than we would have on the main icy roads.IMG_7658

The view from outside my husbands window while I was driving look at the snow! We enjoyed that road and saw a sign for Folsom which of course made us sing the song!



They have open cattle roaming there so this was our view someone didn’t want to get out of the road so i got out of the car and took pictures they were so pretty!


pretty animals all over in colorado I love this bird in the snow!


We finally arrive in COLORADO! It was not as cold as it looks in these pictures it was so nice I can’t wait to live there!IMG_7710MOUNTAINS!!!


Ok so at this point we left Wednesday evening slept in clayton and on Thursday afternoon we made it to Colorado we stopped in Trinidad to call our families from a payphone, because we hadn’t had service for 10+ hours! We go along what I call treacherous roads mainly because they were slightly icy and it was snowing and we were driving on the sides of mountains with no guard rails. I’m a slightly nervous driver and when the speed limit is 35 and you’re going 55 you can’t get mad at me for going 25 haha. We finally arrived in Cripple Creek Colorado my nerves were shot at this point. We opted to not camp out that night because of the snow and the fact we were going to gamble till the wee hours of the morning and didn’t want to have to set up a tent in the dark. We rented a room at J.P. Mcgills the room was nice for what it was and they gave us coupons for free meals. When we got settled we did what any normal person would do and we checked our bank account only to find a strange $35 charge. Kenny calls the company, remember the phone call we made in Trinidad well the machine didn’t accept coins and we had to pay using our credit card, and gripes them out because it’s a $12 connection fee and like $7 a minute? Crazy shit. So after we dealt with that we went to go play.  We started out with $100 a piece I played for a while but these slots are nothing like the indian owned casinos so I wasn’t quite sure if my strategies would work. Kenny on the other hand played the tables. We left that group of casinos and went across the street where I played on $20 for at least and hour or two. I finally lost it all and went to go find kenny of course expecting the worst. I sit at his table and he pulls chips out of his pocket he had won $500!!! His streak of luck made it to where our whole trip at that point hadn’t cost us a dime! The next morning we awoke and got ready to got to Denver but before we left we played one more slot and won $100 more! The trip on the scary roads the next day actually weren’t bad at all.

We finally get to Denver and our first order of business is finding food since this whole trip the only vegan friendly options we had were french fries and bread we bought at the supermarket. We had researched this Vegan food truck called the vegan van and were excited to taste their food! Kenny pulls up our navigation and we find a place to park but don’t see the van so we take of walking. After 4 blocks we start to get this feeling we are way off and 14 blocks later we were right! We did find the van it was parked in front of a place called Nooch which is an ALL VEGAN MARKET!!! It was also by the Hoodlab which sells organic cotton clothing! Kenny had a Tofuffalo and coleslaw sandwich which was yum and I had a “meatball” sub which was super yum! We then went and explored the festival hoodlab was having. After we finished there we checked into our hotel which was really nice and went for a dip in the hot tub and to sit in the sauna. The festival at hoodlab was so much fun there was a vendor there who I fell in love with they sell vegan hemp ice cream sandwiches!!! We immediately passed out when we got back to the room. The next morning we packed our stuff and headed to a huge convention they had at the EXDO event center. It was so much fun lots of walking and I may have gotten a sunburn but it was awesome! We went to eat that night at Eden which I think is a lesbian bar mainly because of the abundance of lesbians and the fact they had one of those neon rainbow pride signs haha. They serve a menu that has Vegetarian, Vegan and even Paleo options it was pretty good but i’m almost positive our waitress was new…..or stoned :). We were so tired we opted yet again for a hotel this time we made it a cheapie in Aurora. The next morning we decided to drive to Colorado Springs we went and ate at Chipolte and I fell in love with a little family there I just wanted to hug them they had a boy a girl and and adopted little boy. I noticed the dad telling the youngest he couldn’t get the pinto beans because they had pork in them, so I kinda examined what they were eating and they were all eating vegan ! It was the cutest thing i’ve ever seem a cute little vegan family it made me so hopeful about the future for us in colorado! We then went and visited the Garden of the Gods.


here I am trying to get back to kenny before the timer quits I almost made it the second time.



Some nice man saw my struggles and took the photo for us!

The next pictures were taken at the garden of the gods



Kenny being silly climbing rocks


even though it said not to we still decided to roam off the beaten path to sit and enjoy time and nature

IMG_7783 and also to take pictures of moss!

IMG_7790 and this rock in this tree

IMG_7795 I had to get my rock picture too!


One of the cool things at GOTG the camels kiss!


Haha there were a lot of trees and kenny said it looked like the forest from Harry Potter so he’d wanted to pretend like he was going into the forbidden forest!


Me taking some selfies while ken fills the car with gas!


Pikes peak or bust

We finally arrive at our campsite which was at the Cheyenne mountain state park! Getting ready to eat some grub !


Look at that fire


Kenny getting ready to cook


This is probably my favorite picture of myself ever I love the simplicity i love my poncho I love life in this picture


Camping is fun

 IMG_7930  mmmm corn

IMG_7934he’s such a good cook !

IMG_7936mmmm kabobs

IMG_7939look at those yummy veggies

IMG_7941sexy man

IMG_7943best meal we had the whole time!!

We sat by the fire all night talking about the future and our lives together before finally hitting the hay we awoke the next morning to wildlife by our site!

 IMG_7964Pretty little guys huh and there were like 20 of them!

We were going to stay monday but I missed my furbabies so we cut our trip short and headed back home! Kenny took pictures out the window while I drove and had to get our final shot leaving clayton new mexico of the dragon.

 IMG_8038IMG_8040the dragon waves bye!

We’ve been home over a week now and gosh do we miss it. With all the upheaval in our lives lately we are ready to move so weve taken baby steps towards a simplistic and sustainable life. He even told me today I could start looking at land in CO! One of these days we will live there but for now I can only dream!


Or at least that’s how I feel sometimes. I can’t help but put it all out on the line. It’s baby season here in North Texas. A total of 10 of my friends not including the other 11 acquantinces are pregnant. Don’t get me wrong I am absolutely overjoyed for every single last one of them, but I can’t help but wonder why them and not me?? Here I am changing my life for the better I did it all “the correct way”, I’ve studied and read articles and forums and discussed parenting with others for about 5 years now and have tried to develop a method and philosophy of parenting that I feel will best suit my needs. I even have a birth plan already written up just waiting for my moment to come along yet nothing, nada, not even a blip on my radar. I know I shouldn’t worry about these things but I do they are a very real part of my life as is the agony of trying and trying and always being dissappointed. Obviously it’s not our time or we would have a kid right now and I know we have so much to accomplish before bringing a child into this world and I am glad I got to know and grow with my husband to the point where we are a unified front and will be able to tackle anything placed before us but, I can’t help but feel empty. I feel like a shell of a human right now today my husband announced yet another person who is expecting and I regressed to a sniffling mess of a ball curled up on my bed with my kitty snuggled in a hug you only should only give on a stuffed animal (it’s ok i didn’t elvira him to where his eyes popped out). I don’t know why I react this way I should just be happy that these people get to experience one of the greatest joys and honors of this world but I can’t help but be envious. Especially when days, weeks and months before at least half of these people didn’t want kids ever or said they wouldn’t carry to term and now they are all over the place like my baby and my life is changed. Most people don’t treat their kids with the respect and love they deserve and thats what makes me the most sad. Unfortunately even the loving looks and all the kisses in the world from my wonderful furbabies can’t help quench the pain I feel deep down it can just mask it for a few short moments. Sometimes I feel so alone in my plight even a message board support group I joined a year ago hasn’t helped there were 50 of us in there and I am the only one now who hasn’t gotten pregnant. Needless to say I quit that group because they all talk about their kids now and it’s too much for me to handle sometimes. I’m sure people think i am weird when I see a kid out at a store and I smile and stare longingly thinking how lucky they are that they get to have that joy in their life though most just treat it like a burden. I just wish I could have a sign that all my waiting and working and hoping isn’t just wasted. That one day me and my husband will too have that opportunity to shape young minds and grow into lovely little family though I wish it would come sooner than later, I know that when it happens it will be right and it will be amazing. I am apparently having a hard time having patience :). Sorry for my little vent session it’s hard for me and I feel I have to get it out or it will eat me alive. 

As I am writing this and sitting up in bed my wonderful schnauzer mama tumbles stole my pillows 🙂 and then came over put her hand on mine and licked my cheek. I guess she’s trying to let me know I still have happiness in my life I just have to open my eyes and see it. Gosh I love my animals you can learn so much from them.

So I have recently come to the conclusion even though I love photography, I hate running a business and constantly having to hold events and fight for new customers. I don’t want to have to fight for business because all that does is force me to sell myself short and that’s a waste of my valuable time. My husband wants me to join him in the workforce at genghis grill which i’d actually be ok with because it’s not totally against my views. I am still thinking about applying and just putting my “business” on hiatus. In the midst of all this internal turmoil I have not worked out this whole week!!! I feel terrible I may just go for a jog here in a few minutes just to say I did something this week. I also haven’t eaten the best and not the worst either, well that depends on if you think a diet of genghis grill and french fries is bad (I do fill my bowl with only broccoli, bamboo shoots, bean sprouts, green onions, mushrooms and lots of garlic and brown and white rice so it’s not like it’s the worst meal in the world).  We have been anticipating our trip and have been so anxious and kinda hurting for money that our dietary needs have fallen to the way side. I notice a lot of people this happens to but we will be back to normal soon, hopefully. Back to my business I have not found what I was looking for I have stuck with it but with multiple cancellations here lately i’m asking myself is it worth my time? Over the past week or so I have been crocheting more, I love it it’s soothing and therapeutic to me and i could sit and do it all day long (and I do!). This week alone I finished my spring fling pillow for a crochet challenge and I finished a diaper cover, some suspenders, a bowtie and a newsboy hat (that was all in one day) for my nephew who will grace us with his presence in JULY!!! I am so excited!!! I also made another diaper cover yesterday. My husband started asking me how I felt about crocheting and if I had any ideas for things and how long it took me etc etc and here was my answer : “I love to crochet if I could sit on my ass everyday either outside with my babies or inside watching my little pony I would sit there and crochet till either my hands fell off or I ran out of yarn.” to which he asked how much does it cost to make that suit and how much could you sell it for. “Well the newborn suit cost $2 and about 5 hours to make and i’ve seen them selling anywhere from $20-$50”. “I would though like to do all of my creations in organic cotton “. Next thing I know he’s looking up bulk yarn. I love this man he’s is all I could have dreamed and wished for and so much more, he lives his life to make me happy and make our house a home :). He’s the greatest this on 2 legs, and cooler than sliced bread! I guess you get the point he’s pretty awesome.

So here is my dilemma I was told I could choose between these things:

1. be a stay at home wife (which means cooking and cleaning)

2. be a stay at home photographer wife ( which requires no.1 and running a lucrative business)

3. Have my own crochet store

4. Work at a “conventional” job

So in the essence of I want to get the hell outta this state I am leaning more towards no.4 and no.3 with a little 2 and 1 on the side. I am just afraid if i do take on so much my weight loss will not be a priority. That above all other things scares me but on the other hand I will have something to occupy some time plus making more money and having the option to move sooner than later plus way more money to spend on yarn!!!! Oh my life is so simple haha. I am at a loss but I know today is a new day and I just have to put all my worries and cares out of my mind because we leave for COLORADO in 3 days!!!!!! If anyone has any advice on how to cope with stressors while trying to lose weight they would be muchly appreciated!

I like to be open about the ups and downs of this journey and it goes hand in hand with my emotions and fears. I figured out I hate doing photography :(. Ok I don’t hate it i’m just being melodramatic but still I started my business for people to have a person who understood there’s more to life than money. Well there in lies my dilemma everyone and I mean everyone with a camera nowadays is a photographer and I know some are going to say that’s where you started and let me clarify no it’s not I’ve been doing photography since 2004 when I just used b&w film.  I have done extensive research and know my camera forwards and backwards and know my cs5 and other programs I use. I’m not talking about the ones like me who try hard to deliver professional results i am talking about those who post a picture straight out of their camera and people tell them you are so amazing and next thing you know they are broadcasting un edited poorly lit photographs on a “business page” on facebook and though I do acquire a great deal of my business on Facebook I am starting to notice since Christmas there have been 50 photography business pages alone in my area that have popped up causing my business to suffer. I probably don’t do enough to get my name out there and because my prices are cheaper I get taken advantage of many times. I have long thought of just throwing in the towel and saying eff this and just sit on my lazy ass at home. I do have a few shoots coming up in april one on the 13th which is fun it’s a baby shower I have shoots a few days after I get back from my trip a Boudoir day and a few shoots in May, June, July and a wedding in October (which i am super excited about). I should just start doing specialty shoots but everyone in this town shoots everything bleh. Well anyway I am struggling with this I have these lined up and am not sure I will line anything else up I don’t feel it brings me joy anymore :(.

What I would really like to do is dive right into my activism and promoting Veganism. Still new to all of it but very much interested. I am not sure trying to “convert” my family is working but I know a few people who do take my advice to heart and have even told me they opted for a salad rather than a burger :). I am so torn I have so many “hobbies” and no real job or purpose. I wish we had enough money to move right now and I think life would get a little better but alas that day is just a glimmer of hope in my eye. I feel beaten down this week though I know I accomplished something big for me on Saturday I still can’t help but feel my life is stale. If it wasn’t so cold i’d go for a jog but I have no cold weather clothing. I told my husband last night I’m ready to get off this rock and explore somewhere new where the common morals and decency don’t matter, where I can run free and wild, I can plant and thrive in my garden, I can lay out in the sun and soak up the worlds awesomeness. I don’t even care if we live in a “real” house i’d rather build it out of clay with no electricity except for the ones generated by wind or solar power. I want to be surrounded by animals that need and deserve love and a better hand than life has dealt them, I want to wake up everyday and know I am making a difference in someone else’s life. I want to have a ton of kids they don’t even have to be mine I will adopt them and love them as my own. I want to teach them about good values and how to be kind and respect the earth and all it’s inhabitants. I want mini activists to stand up to their peers, family members and nay sayers when they try at the age of 8 to feed my child mcdonalds and they will be able to tell them no that they’d rather life a happy healthy life instead of killing myself with the food I eat. I want to just embrace all being VEGAN has to offer and just run away with it and if I have to fly away to another country with it. I want adventure and fun and never ending laughter. I just want to live  not work to live but actually enjoy life.

Now that doesn’t sound like too much to ask right? Well I see my dreams fading in the distance and am not sure i’ll ever reach my goals but hey a girl can dream right?

I hate to say this but OWW!! After completeing my first 5k I was a little, well a lot sore!! It was so much fun I have decided to dedicate one weekend a month to 5ks!! My husband after giving him the puppy dog eyes said yes up to $150 a month on races!!! I think it’s awesome that instead of me using puppy dog eyes to get the last scoop of ice cream, i’m using it for entry into a race I have to train for and it makes me feel alive! If you have never done an obstacle 5k YOU SHOULD. It is one of the most fun, amazing feelings to finish those you feel like you’ve accomplished something! So far I have a few races I will be attending:

May 4th- 5k for Kooper in Wichita Falls, TX (we are doing the 1 mile fun run)

May 11th- Gladiator Rock N Run in Dallas TX

June 8th- Run for Rosie 5k

Nothing for July or August yet

September 28th- The Jailbreak in Dallas TX

and my husband may be doing tough mudder in dallas on his birthday Oct 27th I will not that;s my goal for next year

Some i’m looking at but not sure if we will do yet:

Run or Dye Dallas on June 22nd


Color Me Cooper in Dallas on Novmber 2nd

I’m so excited and want more of my friends to join the world of obstacle and 5k color runs they are awesome!!!

I have these bouts of depression and what seems like loneliness, but I know it’s really just me excluding myself. Why even with some new found confidence do I still shy away from public events? I have finally got over my fear of working out in front of people because (excuse my language) but eff you if you are going to judge me for making my life better. I still find myself a little uncomfortable around people who are skinny or what I perceive to be slim. If there’s more than two slender people and i’m the third I feel like i’m just some big old fatty sitting in the corner who never has as much fun as everyone else. I know that’s not the case but I always feel as if my weight makes others around me as uncomfortable as I am. One of these days I won’t feel like this and this will all be but a bad dream, but till then it’s a very real panicky nightmare. I have struggled socially my whole life (though most wouldn’t know it) i’ve never felt like i’ve belonged anywhere which i’m sure quite a few others struggle with this as well. Last time I went to a psychologist because of my depression and avoidance issues, which was 2 years ago, I told her why I do it. I told her I am depressed because I feel my weight holds me back from reaching my true potential. I avoid everything even leaving my house most days because I don’t want to be uncomfortable. I refuse to do things with my husband for fear of people staring and wondering why is he with her? It takes me giving myself a pep talk every morning just to get out of bed most days. She then proceeds to ask me how I feel I need to remedy this, and I didn’t have to be specific but I was. I told her the following : ” I know what i’m eating is wrong, I know how I act is wrong, I know that if i got off my fat lazy butt I could make a change in my life, I know my weight stems from emotional issues mainly with how I was treated while in school and some minor family issues, I know i’m an emotional closet eater who will go out to eat then gorge myself while crying later which is destructive behavior, I know i’m hobbling down a very dangerous road and don’t believe I have more than 5 years left with the rate that i am going and I know exactly how to fix all of these things but for some reason it never works quite as planned”. Well she was shocked because most people tell her I don’t know the problem was I knew and still chose to be dumb. I have since changed all of that I do believe when you live a reassuring and fulfilling life eating what you are meant to and not what society wants you to eat things will fall into place. January this year I decided to go not only vegetarian (for the 3rd time) but full on Vegan! I will never look back it all started because I was done feeling like crap because of the food I ate tired of not having energy and it’s slowly progressed into the Vegan blaring, factory farm bubble busting person I am. Though I still can’t shake this feeling of failure though i’ve come so far already. I can’t help but still feel that lingering uneasy feeling when one of my “thin” friends invites me to do something. I wish and pray with everythign that I didn’t dwell on this and that I could just get over it and go have fun but I simply can’t. Maybe one of these days I will have a social life I know I can’t wait till my goal weight to do that and I am trying to step out of my comfort zone, mainly with my husband. This is a hard psychological thing I have to get past and hopefully by the time summer rolls around and it’s time for swimming and sunbathing I will have higher self worth and will take the plunge and actually hang out with my friends. Until then I guess it’s back to the workouts and hiding in my house. Sorry if this is a tad depressing but this journey is just as much emotional as it is physical and mental and if you don’t get how you feel out in the open it will eat at you like a black plague, and lets face it nobody likes plagues :).

Well this should be day 4 but sadly it’s day eat food. I approached this thing all wrong. I got one glass of juice down the first day, by the second I started my womanly monthly and that sent my taste buds to a whole new playing field and I threw up my attempt at juice on day 2. I didn’t drink anything yesterday and was so weak I could barely move until my husband made me get up out of bed and took me to eat something. I feel like an absolute failure. I am trying to stay afloat right now there’s just so many ups and downs in my life that it’s a constant struggle it seems and my excuses become more and more. I have a few things weighing on my mind right now that I feel is hindering my progress. I have a grandmother who has been in the hospital struggling, I have my first 5k obstacle that no one but my husband will be there to support (at least family wise and that i am soo nervous about that i lose sleep), My diets been great up until this week and my weight loss has stalled I haven’t eaten or worked out and i’m afraid that i’ll never reach my goal, I have so many things I need to get done and no motivation or ambition to achieve them and I’m scared downright terrified of the future. Before this week I felt so strong like I could accomplish anything and now I feel like a beaten down shell of a human. I feel like i’m going nuts!!

I’m a little on edge this week an I still feel like crap but it’s ok I just need to pick myself up and dust myself off and tell myself it’s a new day and not give into the self doubt and destruction. On a lighter note I have decided to give it another go by starting slow I will still be drinking juices in the morning and next week I will try my hand at a 10 day fast again hopefully I will yield better results!

Don't Switch Off The Light


A Vegan in Progress

My experience transitioning to a vegan lifestyle.

The Long Road to Health

My journey from a 353 pound food addict to a slim and fit health nut ;)

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